On Being Vocal

I've been experimenting with being more vocal, ever so slightly louder, instead of just getting on with my life, ducking and weaving around issues. Minor things really, replying to something I disagree with under a news article, tweeting about stupid attitudes from racing teams, confronting people overstepping in my DMs. Stuff that everyone commonly does. It feels...

...weird because it's not me to want to persuade or change anyone.
...good to have an opinion vindicated by others.
...exciting to attempt to change how utterly non-confrontational I am in person.
...desperate and attention seeking to want others to listen.
...odd to push out my opinions so much.
...weak to want to gain support instead of just ducking and weaving through life as I have before.
...stupid for having opinions and having zero interest in persuading or debating my opinions.
...uncomfortable to be purposely rocking the boat.

Odd and weird aren't necessarily negatives. Everything new feels odd. I'd love to say this is some conscious plan to try something new, but I don't have that sort of emotional intelligence. This is just me following through with what I want to say to people.

I'm not one for debate on opinions or ideologies. The only time I'm up for an argument is when people say silly, incoherent things about how to generate lap time from cars. Which from my perspective is acting on Cunningham's Law instead of arguing. For everything else in the world, does it matter if I'm not willing to put myself up for debate? On one hand it's a case of willful ignorance to not be interested in hearing out opposition, but on the other I don't want a devils advocate on my every move, especially with my tendancy to overvalue opinions that contradict what I think's right.

Getting invested in arguments on the internet is a pointless endeavour. Trying to convince a total stranger who's intentions could range from noble to trolling is fruitless. At best, you're showboating to try and cause a wider effect. But playing the odds, the debate will be a drop in the bucket.

Yet standing for nothing is also useless. Either you do everything alone, live in subservience, or learn how to win people over. The former is the easiest for hobbies, the second for getting paid, the final only works if you've got a resume of competence or a silver tongue.

There has been a lot of times where I've felt powerless, and pathetically easy to shut down whenever I protest or disagree. So trying to get on the offensive more is an attempt to accept that I do actually deserve to hold my ground and have some faith that I'm not insane for feeling wronged or disagreeing. Writing this blog helps with that. Here's a space for me to push out my opinions, with the benefit of not really imposing on anyone. It builds a habit of acting as if my opinion means something.

Somewhere is a balance between avoiding noise and fighting the good fight. And I'm just fiddling with my bars to see if I prefer a different balance.